There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
