ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
