If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
