It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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