Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They have beer where we have blood.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
