I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
