just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
