wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
