i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
