hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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