Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How external is "for external use only"?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
