she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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