Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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