everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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