i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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