On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize