I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
