And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
