Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
