Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize