I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
