Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
