Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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