yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
