I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Boobs speak an international language.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
