garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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