nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
