I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
