Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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