Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
