how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
