My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
