4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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