when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
