omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
