Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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