Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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