...so i touched it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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