Porn is love you can see.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
