you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
