Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
