I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
