he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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