Your tits are I can't wait for
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize