Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
