I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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