The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i now understand why vodka
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
