Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
