everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He keeps bees of course he's weird
don't judge my taste in strippers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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