Say something about gay babies.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
