Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
