I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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