In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
