I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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