I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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