We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
