Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
