Can i not drive my cunt home
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize