I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
