Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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