turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
