If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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