Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
