Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
