She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
