areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
