I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
