I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
