So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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