i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
