fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
