I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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