How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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