the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
