i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
