Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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