He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
