So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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