I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
