Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
