I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
