I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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