I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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