I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
