mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
