not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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