Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
