So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
