Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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