That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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