I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
