I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
