I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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