Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he shaved USA in his pubs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
