it wasn't lemon gatorade
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
