I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
