My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
