i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
