She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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