Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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