this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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