Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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