I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
