she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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