and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
