I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize